I’m Non-Binary. Should I Take the Motherhood or Fatherhood Clarity Course?

"Hi Ann, 

I’m considering taking either the Motherhood Clarity Course or the Fatherhood Clarity Course. Yet, I don’t identify with either being male or female. I identify as non-binary, and I do get a bit frustrated about how everything is gendered, especially when it comes to parenthood.

The idea of motherhood or fatherhood just doesn’t resonate with me — I want to be a good parent, if I choose to become a parent.

Which course do you recommend that I take? How are they different?"

— Name Withheld

Dear Friend,

I understand your frustration.

I’ve been doing this work for more than 30 years. We started with our focus on women because the issues they were facing were different from men.

We soon realized men also wanted help with their indecision, confusion, and ambivalence. Shortly after we created the program for women we created one for men.

Protnatalism, sexism, and women’s oppression have had a negative impact on all humans, but especially women. This is why I’ve always separated the groups into women and men.

I’ve had other people who identify as non-binary go through the course.

My recommendation is that they choose the gender that corresponds to how they were raised. 

If you were raised as a girl, take the Motherhood Clarity Course. 

If you were raised as a boy, take the Fatherhood Clarity Course.

When discussing parenthood, I use the terms parenthood/motherhood/fatherhood to mean the same thing. They’re all about taking on the responsibility of raising a human.

Even though I view sexuality and gender as fluid in our society, to date, girls and boys are treated differently when it comes to pronatalism.

The Parenthood Clarity Courses examine how we were hurt as young people (directly and indirectly) and the beliefs that we internalized without realizing it. The course is designed to bring forth what I call unconscious “recordings” — our own repetitive thoughts that we’re not aware of.

I’ve had students who use the pronouns they/them. I do my best to create safety for everyone in the group. At this point in time in our society, I don’t believe that mixing men and women would create the same safe space, as the early wounds are different for each group.

However, I’ve found that students from a variety of backgrounds and life circumstances find they have more in common with one another than not.

All of the LIVE sessions are a judgment-free zone. This course is open to you no matter your age, cultural background, sexual or gender identity, career, job, relationship status, current circumstance, etc.

I hope my explanation helps you decide which course is best for you. If neither course feels right, then I recommend reading our book, Motherhood, Is It For Me?, and changing the pronouns as needed.

My co-author Denise L. Carlini and I first wrote this book for women, because they were more negatively impacted by this issue in society at the time.

However, men and non-binary people have read and benefited from the book, as the content is about the unhealed wounds each of us carries, no matter our gender identity.

Let me know if you have any other questions!

My best,
Ann