Handling the Insecurity of Indecision During the Coronavirus

I live in the Bay Area. Before we were told to shelter-in-place, I agonized over going to my office to see clients in person or seeing them remotely. I found myself thinking and feeling many of the same thoughts and emotions as those dealing with motherhood indecision.

I want one of my colleagues to tell me what to do.
I have to make the right decision.
I don’t want to regret my choice.
Ugh! Pain. Shortness of breath.

Sound familiar? I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do and what I was going to do at the same time, which resulted in the same gridlock I coach people out of.

With no one to tell me what to do, I had to stop in my tracks and close my eyes and say, “I don’t know what to do. I feel scared.”

In the Motherhood Clarity Course ™ we use The Mantra© to help women put aside the anxiety and torture of not knowing. They choose not to know on purpose. They create internal spaciousness in order to receive or gain new information. When we have internal spaciousness, we are more creative and open to receiving new ideas and information.

The Mantra© (from Motherhood Is It For Me?: Your Step-by-Step Guide to Clarity)

I don’t know.
I don’t know why I don’t know.
It’s not my fault that I don’t know.
It’s ok that I don’t know.
I’ve known many things before.
There have been many times in my life that I’ve had a sense of clarity.
My true desire matters, and no one can know it better than I can know it.
I am the definer of me.
The answers will come because they never left.
Only I can know what’s true for me; it’s all within me.

The Mantra can be used now with the coronavirus to create a bit of internal spaciousness.

I don’t know what is going to happen.
I don’t like not knowing.
It’s not my fault that I don’t know.
It’s ok that I don’t know.
I’ve known many things before.
There have been times in my life that I’ve had a sense of deep knowing.
My desire for feeling safe and secure matters.
I am the definer of me and no one can know me better than I can know me.
Only I can know what’s true for me; it’s all within me.

When feeling afraid, try your best with whatever tools and tricks you have to turn that fear into grief. Reach for the tears that sit underneath the fear. If you can eek out one tear, it will help you think better in the present moment. I’ve had a few “waterworks” days. I put on my old music that I listened to in my teenage years when times were simpler, and then I just cried and cried.

The virus will poke at every unresolved issue from your past. You want unresolved issues to surface so that you can face them and heal them through sitting with the loss. And it’s also okay to be aware of what they are and not face them right now.

Once I used The Mantra©, I calmed down. I wanted to see my clients in person, and I wanted them to be able to see me. That was my desire. But I made the safe decision to stay at home and work with my clients virtually. I had to separate the decision from the desire to reclaim peace and calm in my body and mind.