My Life Had Become a Constant Pro-and-Con List — Speaking to Ann Davidman Was a Wake-Up Call

“Indecision is a lonely — and scary — place to be,” Ilana Kaplan, a Brooklyn-based writer and editor, shared recently in Elle magazine. 

As Ilana weighed the choices of whether to become a parent or remain childfree, “my life felt like it had become a constant pro-and-con list,” she said, “ever-shifting as I weighed factors like job insecurity, abortion bans that have made pregnancy more dangerous, climate change, the rising costs of child care and housing, the recent election results, and the general state of the world.”

On her quest for clarity around one of life’s most significant choices, Ilana spoke with our own Ann Davidman — a marriage and family therapist, author, and “Parenthood Clarity” mentor — who for 34 years has guided people through the complex decision of whether parenting is right for them.

“Speaking to her was a wake-up call for me,” says Ilana.

Ilana learned there’s no quick fix for what Ann calls “unending torturous mental gridlock,” but she loved Ann’s structured approach that restored a sense of control she hadn’t realized was missing. 

As you read Ilana’s essay, you’ll hear from several different women struggling with whether to become parents or remain childfree — and you may recognize yourself in some of their perspectives:

• “Will being a mom suit my personality type?” — Elizabeth
• “Do I want to put a child through that kind of trauma and experience of just growing up in the United States with gun violence?” — Samantha
• “Now I’m 33, still single, and I am more unsure than ever… I don’t even have a boyfriend, let alone a husband, let alone a prospect.” — Olivia
• “I wasn’t raised by my parents; my grandparents adopted me… I realized I don’t necessarily want to be a mom.” — Leah
• “Do I want to be in this big home with four kids celebrating holidays together, or do I want to be in a villa in Italy by myself with my husband?” — Sophia
• “The lifestyle turned me off. I just didn’t want it.” — Marcia 

Are you ready to begin your journey to clarity?

As you think deeply about whether to become a parent, it can be hard to figure out what you actually want. Explore Ann’s proven clarity method to uncover your inner truth and discover what’s right for you. 

Start right here:

• Access Ann’s Free Resources
• Read the book Ann co-wrote with Denise L. Carlini, Motherhood-Is It For Me?
• Explore one of her upcoming courses — Motherhood Clarity™ Course, Fatherhood Clarity™ Course, or the Parenthood Clarity™ Private Course.